Let me start by admitting my lack of interest lately for anything. I have some wonderful friends here and I do not take that for granted, but I found myself in a bit of depression, aggravation and not feeling my true self.
In Germany, when you rent, the owner has the ability to move into their house with three months notice, be it themselves or their family members. We were told two days before Christmas that this would happen and I felt the clouds gathering overhead, placing a damper on what is meant to be a special time for families around the World. I knew that there was no need to get upset, as it wouldn't change a thing, but that grayness still seeps in, trying to bury you with fears and anxieties. My strong resound was tested, fooled with and I found myself placing a wall to protect myself from feeling anything real.
It took a little time and effort to push through, faking it much of the time.
It is true, that everything happens for a reason and I feel that this move was for the best and that we are all much happier now. We were then, struck, deep within, when our neighbors pitched in to help us move, packing boxes, carrying heavy furniture, making breakfast and cheering us along.
I do have Lupus and have had a time accepting that. It fucking pisses me off, but in the grand scheme of things, it is truly manageable and does not deter my life decisions. No one wants to be forced to deal with any medical issue, but we must not allow it to encroach on our inner being's beliefs and determinations. I am healthy, intelligent, loving, caring and full of empathy. I am not perfect, too stubborn at times. I refuse to allow this negativity squash me, define me or control my spirit.
Again, I am sorry and will recover my emails, passwords and keep in touch. You all touch me deeply .......